Not happy

 I'm tired. Working everyday for 4hours to coming home to kids and getting things done. I had a point to where I'm tired. I even debated if all of this is worth it? Balancing kids learning at home, taking care of my mom, going out to get things that needs to get got, to appointments, cooking and cleaning that I saw myself forgetting about me. There is no balance for parents to actually go back to work and balance life. 

  I want to work more hours but not everyday. It's cool to get Saturday and Sunday off but what can I really do on those days? Anyways life is still hard. With this pandemic here or not. I'm not going to overwork myself but I really dislike how employers don't do as you need. I said part-time but not everyday. I hope this is temporary. If not I'm going to ask for all day work and get off one day or 2 during the week. I don't like retail but at least they can really work with you. Give you what you need.

Alright I better get back to getting ready for work. I thought I would be happy.

Working momma

 I must say work went well today. A little unsure how I will do but I hope I can get this down. I do like it so far. I might even as if I can stay longer on Thursday because I want to learn the job. I even going to do some homework of my own and look up key words I need to know medically. 

  As I am a exhausted momma, I actually got the kids schedule for this week done for school. I clean up some of my room, wash my daughters hair and was able to cook today. Today was a success I guess. Now I need to make a dinner plan for the rest of the week and next week. 

  Somedays I feel like I am doing a lot but I feel like my life is a little back to normal. To bad the kids can't go back to school yet. Maybe when things get better and cases start to disappear. 

  Not really excited to go to the dentist for my daughter as I know they will be doing a cleaning and looking at the cavity that formed and well I wonder how they are going to do it. It will be a specail way to. We shall see about the game plan. I know, great time to work right? 

  Still haven't gotten my Unemployment as I wait for CO to fix there system, I'm happy I do have a job. Bills of course. 

  Motherhood is going as I try to keep up with life. This time around, I feel like time is going faster. Maybe because I work now. Maybe because I have things to do and appointments to go to. Seeing old coworkers are a maybe as we stay distance apart. It would be good to say hello from a distance.

  As life seems to never surprise me with stress, I always fins away to smile at the end of the day. Winter is almost over as I can not wait. 3 more months of winter. I know the snow will come but I hope I am at home or not to bad on the roads. 

  If you are like me as a single parent, smile because things could be worse.

Mother over worked?

I'm not sure if it matters at all if a mother can be overworked. Is there a such thing? Being a parent isn't easy. Being alone is even tougher. It truly does take a village to raise a child and more. 

  I'm taking a breath. Hoping and praying I can deal with what is ahead. I landed a job but I know I can work for a certain amount of time. Dealing with patients and learning new things on the job is going to be challenging. Coming home and still have to put a smile on my face. Act like everything is fine until bedtime is alot. Homeschooling, patience is the key. I thought about the kids going back to school next but online. I figure it would be less of a challenge I think. When I think about it, I might still need to be there. Technical difficulties might happen. My parents would be here but they are not great with computers. I just have to think everything through and talk to my parents about it. I know Covic-19 won't be going anywhere soon. Then, I have moving. Where do I move or do I move out my parents house. Would that put more stress on me? Probably will since I will come over to take care of my mom anyways. Over thinking is my problem.  

  Maybe I might get some sleep in before the sun goes up. 

  If you are like me as a mom having to make difficult choices during these times, let's pray. Yah will be on time.

Motherhood

Single mom....beginning of January

 Can we all just say we all are tired of this new normal. It's Jan.1.2021. What has really changed? I know we just started in this new month but to be real with you, I can not date. Yes I said it. dating seems to be a mystery to me. I am kind of in to this new guy I am talking to, He seems great but how can i take it to the next level? That next level is actually seeing him in person. Now I can not. Now I have to wait until a month or so because he had to go to Florida for  business trip.  Here I am thinking maybe I should just hold off on love like other people are doing around the world with this Covic-19 is going on. 

   Working seems to be a challenge. I have 3 more months left until I am no longer qualify for unemployment. I am somewhere save where I can still call home but I still have bills to pay. Keeping myself busy is not working anymore. I need supplies to crate certain things. Vblogging is okay but it's something that I feel like I'm using interested a little. 

  I find myself feeling alone. Does any parents feel like that? I know I do/

    Dealing with it is another factor of my life. It sucks a lot of the times. I thought 2020 was going to be my year to break out and meet new people and fall in love and explore life. 

 Instead I was hit with my mother having cancer to Covic-19 lasting loner then I attended it to. Kids was suppose to go to school but instead it's homeschooling. My youngest would have started daycare and I would be working at a great job. No everything is flip. Nowhere I am here at my parents and taking care of my mom as I have to find work some how. Kids need to be taken care of and no baby sisiter. covic-19 is going a little crazy. All I can say is, why didn't I safe up for that. I guess I thought I had more time.

   What will be next? Yes, us parents need to ask are self's what will be next? How do we prepare for it in away where we can stay afloat.. I don't care if you need to be sleeping in your car but how can we protect are selfs, kids? 

  I know this world is f up but parents to parent, we are not done with pandemic. It is just the beginning. 

Healthy Body...Vitamins

 As I linger into the day, I started to think about my health a bit. Yup, besides not having a spouse, what about what is going on in the inside.  I decided it to take Multivitamin for woman and Vitamin D. I know I need to get some Vitamin C but I have drink packs of those. I better start using them. Guess what, I just checked and they are expired so I will be going back to the store for more. Trying to get my health in order is important. 

  This momma right here will be going back out in the public. Working less hours as I still need to be here for my kids. So far, my babysitter is okay and I can work. If my babysitter leaves, well no more work. Paying for child care is a no go. It is way to expensive and not sure about it during Covic-19. If you are wondering who my babysitter is, well my mom. She can do somethings but I'm trying to make sure I work half days and try to be here for her when She is doing chemo. 

  If you are like me, and want to be able to change your life around during these times, well start with your health. If you are struggling, make a list of things you can do to cut back on things. I'm going to start saving. See how much I safe at the end of the year or in October. I would like to move out of my parents as there is not a lot of room. I feel like we all have grown out this house and we need another one. 

  It could just be me wanting to grow some more. Baby steps back to real life. I rather be near my parents then far from them. 

  Back to health. 

 I'm trying Source of life Garden Vitamin D3 pills and Mykind Women's once daily pills. First day. I found out I rather swallow a pill then chew them. To much work for me. Maybe that is a sign of getting old...LOL...

   I even picked up vitamins for my kids. Multi Vitamins and elderberry with vitamin C in it. So far everything is good. My products are Organic if I can get them at a great price which I did. 

  Tonight as I let the sabbath come in, I might get a glass of whisky mix with coke. Relax all the way because I'm about to be a busy momma but more craziness. 

   

Reality of life

  The reality if a single parent is " I'm going to do this alone for a while" okay, maybe it will be just me. But I had to get a glass of wine. I feel like it's the only thing that can break the ice I am feeling. I know not good at all. One glass is fine a day. Red I must say is good for the heart, doctors say.  

  Tonight is one of those nights. almost midnight the next day. Still feel like I am in 2020 still. Life will not be the same as I new it. It has tared me down in away that I wonder about what is next?

  Let's start of with dating. I have address this in another blog of mines. Living with my parents again, trying to balance this new life and not get sick seems like dating is a terrifying thing in person. You can get so close. You can wonder about touching to how much can you hang out. Simple for people who has there own place or just not living with there parents. 

 Of course, we have the not normal moment. Rushing into love is not a real reason to find love during this crazy time. It feel like I will die alone. You might die alone but still do you risk it all for love?

   Great question, do you?

This new life I have to do now is exhausting. I"m learning everyday to balance life. Trust me it is not easy. Glass of wine is always needed even when you feel like you will be okay with out one. Go with days, weeks and then months to where you feel like "I need a glass of wine" Even when a glass of wine is not strong enough for the hard shit that comes your way, you just look at it and say "Maybe next time and never open the bottle. 

   With trying to work out, find a boyfriend...wait maybe I shouldn't say that. I feel like it's more of just want to find someone that is the opposite sex to talk to and actually keep my attention. Talking to kids all day to my parents, need a break at times. 

   Then you have lovely homeschooling for kids. Can't wait tell next year. See what needs to be done and of course possible we probably have all this covic-19 under control. Meal planning I have failed but I'm going to try as I fit it in with trying to take a beak and then thinking about what I should do. Most likely did I entertain the kids enough? Are they on there tablets to long? Ahhhh, school is going to start soon. Have to switch to teacher mode. 

  Cleaning is like "When should I do this?" With all the family things I need to do, I am doing it alone without there father's help.  I love my parents for helping where they can. 

  Overall a glass of wine is needed once in a while. Just going to the grocery store seems to get old now. 

  As people try to look for love and act like they need to go out. They need to find love. They just need something. Remember we all lose some and gain some.

 

  I have gain Truth. What was blinded before me, I have gain truth. 

I lost love. It's on hold because my life changed. I decided to take care of my family. Cancer is here and kids I don't want to get sick. So you can figure out what is going on. 

What have you gain with all this going on around the world? What have you lose?

Just another momma's struggle